peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize