Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
