your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
