I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
