You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i need some magic done to my vagina
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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