Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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