Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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