So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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