Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize