My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
