We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
