I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
