fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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