Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
