Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
