This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I have tasted many bathrooms
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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