I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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