69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
