My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
