They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
