They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
