I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
