I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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