Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
