i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
