im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
