so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
