hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
They took my balls.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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