I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
