i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
