We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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