recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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