dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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