please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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