were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
