i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
