im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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