you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
