I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
