I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
