i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
