A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
