toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
