he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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