I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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