The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Sorry my hands just texted you
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize