just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
