i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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