I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
