There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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