can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
