Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
