I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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