After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
