One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
