Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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