the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
