careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
