i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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