I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
