You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
