Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
