STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize