He is such a slut. More and more my type.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
