Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
